My Old Crow Scratches

Let me tell you a little bit about my old crow scratches, these sad sketches of my past. It all starts with a few pieces of art I kept with me over the years…

…Okay, okay! I know what you’re thinking, “Is that it?” No, I actually have more than these three kids with big eyes and round heads, but it get’s a little difficult for me to post them, I’m embarrassed to share this past art with anyone because it’s so cringe to me… and yet,

Why?

Why… do I keep them?

Why-not, Delete them permanently, if I’m never going to show anyone?

I have files upon files of pictures I never shared. Took my old art and burned the physical. Of course I felt I had to do that, I was the only one who kept my art anyway. Trashed and destroyed, all that remains is this digital ash, scanned and horded originals to make moving easier, stored on a hard drive. Told myself,

“I’ll make video’s of me redoing them someday” or “I’ll share them when I’m ready, I should keep an archive just incase I ever get the nerve to…”

“-quit being a cowered and stop worrying about what others would say or think about the old drafts, practices and scratches, the negative…” or

“When I have time to put a little more thought and effort into the details, I’ll be ready to show people, because then someone, other than myself, will see the effort (the thought) and ask me about it, ask me WHY…”

“Why do I hold onto all this, agreeably amateur art? This doodling and chicken scratch? Why don’t I delete everything and start fresh as I’ve done before?”

“Why did I go through the effort of saving, this much, if ultimately I’m unsatisfied with nearly all of it and no one, not my parents, not my friends, (No One) has ever wanted to save something I made, that I created. that I drew, to prove my doubts wrong? All my creative efforts unappreciated and lost as they were meant to be or where they will go eventually anyway…Why keep them?”

Why can’t I let them go?…

…..this childs’ drawing’s…

I don’t know, but maybe I will someday. Maybe everything that I said will happen will and perhaps I just need to be kind, hopeful and patient with myself, it’s just difficult right now. Either way, I hope I revisit this and edit/ have things to say. 18 days left…